I am not athletic...not a shocking statement. I've always avoided exercise--for a variety of reasons. It's always been easy to find one excuse or another--it's "hard" because I have no stamina; I'm too tired; I get headaches (this was especially relevant whenever any exercise involved outdoor activity--the sun gives me headaches); my asthma acts up and I just don't want to. It's always been easier to just sit down and be lazy. But recently for whatever reason I've finally found some kind of resolve to lose weight and be healthier. I know I have a long road ahead of me...as much as I want to lose 50 lbs. overnight I know that the only way I'll be able to do this in a way I can retain it is to do it gradually and change my habits relatively slowly. I can already say that I have become much more conscious about what I've put into my body. I still have my moments (I think I had three chocolate-chocolate chip muffins a friend made for me for my birthday yesterday...at least they were Cooking Light muffins!). Weekends are hard because I'm home most of the time and/or more likely to go out and it's easy to snack all day. That's definitely an area I need to work on.

The exercise is slowly coming along, which is to be expected. My stamina really is pathetic, but instead of whining about it and avoiding it I'm trying very hard to work through it. I had a rocky few days of avoidance last week/weekend. I got some sort of chest cold and could barely lay down without my asthma acting up and coughing so I didn't get any exercise. But yesterday I made myself get back at it. So far this is probably the longest I've gone since "resolving" to be healthier and lost weight, but I am determined to work through this this time. I need to do this to help myself feel better. I have already noticed that I feel better and don't quite feel myself falling asleep as early in the evening on the days that I get exercise. I know this shouldn't come as a shock, and it doesn't really, but it's nice to know that I can feel a difference. I am too young to have no energy and not be able to be active. I am proud to say that I worked through 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical today. For me that's an accomplishment. More importantly I wasn't completely dragging at the end. I was tired and ready to be done, but I was able to finish while also still going at pretty much the same speed I started. I can't run for very long at all but I'm working toward that. Much as I HATE running, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to.

I even told my dad of my intentions, which is a pretty big step for me and I am counting on it be a motivation to keep this going. He always pushed me as a kid to be healthier and get more exercise and to be honest, I always resented him for it. I knew he was just trying to be a good parent and help me get into better habits, but I didn't like disappointing him or looking weak around him...he's always been a healthy weight and loved running...it was hard not to fit into that pattern. And he doesn't always have the best manner of delivery and I've always been a soft person, the combination of which always led to me feeling like crap about myself instead of motivating me. I think while I was in college he finally decided he couldn't push me into it because he started to let up on me...he still asked if I was getting exercise and eating healthy but he stopped "lecturing" me for the most part. Slowly I think that helped me work on getting to the place I needed to get to today to make this happen. I have a LOT of bad habits to break, but for whatever reason I feel more determined than I ever have been to do it.

The kids at my school have a program called Girls on the Run and they have a 5k race every fall and spring. They always ask teachers to be buddy runners for the girls and my goal is to be able to do that. Now I just need to work on avoiding the constant temptation of delicious snacks always brought into work!